so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
