Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
