im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
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