It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
Randomize
