that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
Randomize
