What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Randomize
