I was able to overlook the Affliction tee until he took it off and there was another tattooed on his body.
Was it at least attractive minus the Gargoyles or skulls... or whatever affliction is putting out these days?
Even a greek god couldn't pull it off. Told him I like Ed Hardy Better. Death Before Dishonor, baby. I'm sure it was a painful blow. hopefully he understands sarcasm.
Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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