Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
Randomize
