apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
i think i have herpe
just one?
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Randomize
