I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
Randomize
