I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
Randomize
