I'm laying in your front yard are you home
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
