I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
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