Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
Randomize
