Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
Pooping to opera.
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
