i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
Text me some of your sweat
Randomize
