I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
Randomize
