You really coming over, don't trick.
Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
Randomize
