I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Randomize
