I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
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