Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
