you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
3 2 1 whiskey
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
Randomize
