Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize
