I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
Randomize
