WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
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