Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
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