I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
