Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
Randomize
