I bet he comes in French.
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
Randomize
