Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Idk if I want to put a bra on
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