i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
Randomize
