can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
Randomize
