I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
I wish there were birth control emojis
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
We're using joints as your birthday candles
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
Randomize
