Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
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