rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
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