I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
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