i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
he was CRYING into my vagina
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
Randomize
