just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
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