If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
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