I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
Let the clothes fall where they may.
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
Randomize
