Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
Randomize
