Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
3pm strippers are depressing
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
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