Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
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