Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
The air taste purple.
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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