I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
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