He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
Randomize
