it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
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