Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
