I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
