Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
Randomize
