i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
