I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
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